Q: How
many flies does it take to screw
in a light bulb?
A: Two, but how the heck do they get in there?
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A space Invader.
Q:
If there are 5 flies in the kitchen how do you know which one is
the American Football player?
A: The one in the sugar bowl!
Q:
What did one firefly say to the other?
A: Got to glow now
Q: Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
A: Um, looks to me to be backstroke, sir...
Q: How
do you keep flies out of the kitchen?
A: Put a pile of manure in the living room!
Q: Which
fly makes films?
A: Stephen Speilbug!
Q: Why were the flies playing football in saucer?
A: They where playing for the cup!
Q: What
is the difference between a fly and a bird?
A: A bird can fly but a fly can't bird!
Q:
How do fireflies start a race?
A: Ready steady glow!
CIRCLE
FLY
During a traffic stop a police officer is swatting at a fly that
is circling around his head, and blurts out what kind of damn fly
is that anyhow. The traffic offender replies, "that's a circle
fly". The officer replies that he's never heard of a "circle
fly". The offender replies circle flies are usually found circling
around a horses ass. Enraged, the police officer says, "are
you calling me a horses ass?", to which the traffic offender
replied, "no sir, but you can't fool a circle fly.
A
woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter
"What
are you doing?"
She asked.
"Hunting
Flies"
He responded.
"Oh!
Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep,
3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued,
she asked.
"How can you tell them apart?"
He
responded,
"3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
FLY IN MY PINT
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a
pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they
were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in
each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The
Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished
the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing
had happened.
The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his
drink, held it out over the beer, and
started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUR YOU ROTTEN FLY!!!!"
JEWISH FLY
This guy walks into a bar, and sits down at the bar. There is a
really good looking girl alone at the end of the bar. He catches
her eye, and smiles at her. She gives him an icy stare in return.
A little while later he tries again, and is rebuked.
He calls the bartender over. "Listen, I'd really like to meet
that girl, can you help me."
Sure
says the bartender, "have you ever heard of Jewish Fly?"
"No, is it like Spanish Fly", replies the man.
"Much better than that." Says
the bartender.
The bartender mixes the girl a drink, (with
the Jewish fly of course) and gives it to her.
A little later she smiles at the man. After
a few more minutes and she began to lick her lips suggestively.
The man walks over, sits down and says
"May I get you another drink?"
"No", she says in a deep sexy
voice, "But you can take me shopping."
SAMURAI
Back in the time of the Samurai there was a powerful emperor who
needed a new head Samurai so he sent out a declaration throughout
the country that he was searching for one. A year passed and only
3 people showed up: a Japanese Samurai, a Chinese Samurai and a
Jewish Samurai. The emperor asked the Japanese Samurai to come in
and demonstrate why he should be head Samurai.
The Japanese Samurai opened a match box and out pops a little fly.
Whoosh goes his sword and the fly drops dead on the ground in 2
pieces. The emperor exclaimed: "That is very impressive!"
The emperor then asked the Chinese Samurai to come in and demonstrate.
The Chinese Samurai also opened a match box and out pops a fly.
Whoosh, whoosh goes his sword. The fly drops dead on the ground
in 4 pieces. The emperor exclaimed: "That is really very impressive!"
The emperor then had the Jewish Samurai demonstrate why he should
be the head Samurai. The Jewish Samurai also opened a match box
and out pops a fly. His flashing sword goes whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh
whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh.
A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still alive and buzzing
around. The emperor, obviously disappointed, asks: "After all
of that, why is the fly not dead?"
The Jewish Samurai smiled, "Well, circumcision is not intended
to kill."
A
GREAT CUP OF TEA This
is taken from the Dr. James Dobson Bulletin for June 1998.
Have you
noticed that children sometimes try to be helpful, but it makes
your life more complicated?
I heard a story
about a mother who was sick with the flu. Her darling daughter wanted
to be a good nurse. She fluffed the pillows and brought a magazine
for her mother to read.
And then she showed up with a cup of tea.
"You're
such a sweetheart," the mother said as she drank the tea. "I
didn't know you could make tea."
"Oh,
yes," the little girl replied. "I put the tea leaves in
the water like you do, and I boiled it, and then I strained it into
a cup. But I couldn't find a strainer, so I used the flyswatter."
"You
what?"
And the
little girl said, "Oh, don't worry, Mom. I didn't use the new
flyswatter. I used the old one."
Steve
Martin and The Great Flydini ( Has
nothing to do with flies but funny!
)
Funny
picture from our soldiers in Iraq.
How
do you get a unicycle in Iraq?
They
LOVE FliesBeGone!
Make
sure you see our pictures from Iraq as there's no other fly trap
site in the world with testimonials like FliesBeGone's!
Julian
Beever is an english artist who's famous for his art on the pavement
of England, France, Germany, USA, Australia and Belgium. Beever gives
to his drawing an anamorphose, his images are drawn completely diforms
which give a 3D image when viewing on the right angle … see
for yourself it's amazing !!! Click for Link to Julian Beever website
